After One Year

2012 what a beautiful year, the weather is amazing , people are happy 2011 is gone – even though i believed it did well to me – and the optimism is filling the air. Last post on this blog was from Kuwait, yet i left the country and just came back, here we are again a month in a desert country in the time of elections and Zeena – me – still weighing 3 digits on the scale.

Obviously the weight loss progress is tremendously un achievable until this time my energy levels are not on top of the moon only but on fire to reach the goal for once and all. Just started to have the 7-3 job and the dining out life style that we have in Kuwait.

In Kuwait life revolves around food, girls meet over dinner or lunch if you are lucky to have active friends you will meet for breakfast eggs, cheese, bagels and end it up with delicious breyoush dipped and glazed with sugar cinnamon and nautella chocolate on the side ! OMG ! what we just did ! we ate a 2000 Cal. meal and the subjects during this delicious meal was over a handsome man or how to go under a certain diet.

If you are skinny chick, chubby one or over weight even Obese we all talk about the latest clothes and the latest restaurant in Kuwait. (maybe that should be a post on it own) .Carrying on, today after 1 year of no blogging or looking into my health here i am enjoying online shopping for super sized me – not so cute- eating in the latest American cousin and blogging…

if we rewind all the above in less than 6 months i’ll be in the size of an elephant…

 

“Zeena wake up” the sound in my head says … ok here i plan for tomorrow … actually today too .. no heavy meals just a good salad and i shall workout at night.

 

The plan for tomorrow: wake up at 4, workout, go to work, leave work, workout, go home, and then go out

whose supporting on this plan? you my dear readers you will be the reason i keep on coming back to this blog and write more. Will make sure to write every day were is the progress going and how after 3 years i finally achieved my goal.

 

WOW am optimistic !

 

Stuck in myself

Weight: 107 kg
Size: 18 American

Totally stuck!

What else can I say, stuck at work, stuck in life, stuck in my body and health. After working out once for 40 minutes of pure low passé of cardio and ever sense am sick. Is there anything in this world would make me lose weight and happy at the same time…

Very upset Zeena !!!

Work Vs. Weight loss

Dear readers… today am upset, depressed, and struggling. It has been 2 years ever since I was with my beloved husband… and still I didn’t see him. I’ve been working ever since and guess what .. am frustrated .. am the only one who can stay after working hours to finish my work because am fat, you would think whats the relation.. let me tell you…

When you are fat you live with pain , back pain, foot pain, chest pain , muscle aches, neck pain and even pain when you are hungry…working till there is no tomorrow will just be one of those pain that am used to live with.

am tired, I can’t have any leaves, I can’t work less .. everything is loaded over my head … how can I stop this ? how I can have time after work to have a proper meal and then meet with my friends or work out … it has been 2 weeks that am trying to hit the gym with no luck… because am hurt with the work pain until 7 pm every day…. it this healthy?

Zeena it not happy today… and feels lonely and unloved… and hungry…

when will i be out of this misery ?

http://www.sadface.org/

I am Zeena and I’m telling you a secret!

2010 has turned its pages and left me with great satisfaction, no great weightloss achievements but am content and ready for 2011.. this year i don’t have a resolution like every year.. this year i have 365 resolutions, i am planing day by day to greater target ..

1-1-2011: A day filled with fun and laughter, lots of food and music [ all is done well with little less music ]

2-1-2011: eat 1 apple and 1 cup of salad, workout 1 hour and spend good quality of family time, sleep early and have all prayers complete

3-1-2011: and so on…

 

Here i am Zeena with the revealed secret of the none stop weight loss struggles .. 2011 … with 365 days .. this resolution should come to an end.

 

Target target here i come

Currnet weight : 103.2 Kg
Last weeks weight : 105 Kg
This week target was: to lost 0.5 Kg
Weight lost : 1.8 Kg

Do I have to say more??

Good days everyone, beautiful weekend for me and you and all of you. The small target plan is working for the first week now, I have lost almost 2 kilos of wieght my cousins weddig dress that didn’t fit me last month now I can close the zipper on my own -ofcourse wth a corset underneath- but who cares am doing it people I am losing weight on my own with my own simple diet of just eating less and more healthier.

Yes that’s true I don’t feel am doing any diet, am dining out mostly once a week where I can eat any greasy meal that I want and the rest of the week am sticking to a less protien more vegetables ad fruits plan even if I eat out I enjoy my dressing on the side green salad and or my beans soup as for dinner an if I went out for lunch I’d eat green salad with the dressing -half the dressig portion- with 2-3 bites only fork bites from the person eatig infront of me

I can stop smilling am going there! Am losing weight! And happy !!!

Just month ago I was so depressed and felt the whole world hate me, I still feel unloved sometimes but many other times I dontcare because I love me, I love Zeina.

Love your self my dear readers to be able to give love to others just like the air mask on airplanes = oxygen for you first then the person next to you.

I love you all my target for next week is 0.6 Kg less am adding 100 gram to my target every week eventhough I lost more !! YIpPpPpPpY !!!!!!

I am the old me , I am the new me!

Current weight: 105 Kg — :/

Target weight: 104.300 Kg

Target to date: Sept. 25th , 2010

Yes indeed i have a weekly target .. Let me tell you the story..

On the jet plane out of Kuwait i decided to put all my sadness behind my back like i did million and one times ago and i said “My failure will just make me win smarter” I am Zeena Mc Sea and i made things happen in the past for others now it is my time to make things happen for me, only me, only Zeena. I will do what Zeena wants not what she thinks other might want her to do, i will eat only what i want to eat not what they serve in front of me, i will eat chocolates when i want to grab one not when i see it, i will work out when i want to work out not when they tell me how fat i got, i will do it this time and i will do it smart.  That was on my mind during the 5 hours flight and here i am.

After many searches and after googling many subjects “i want to forget him, how?” or “why did he leave me” or “do i still love him?” to searching “Best way to mend a broken heart” And AHA!!! here it was! ehow website advising how to get out of a broken relationship and how to start all over again. First rule is to put small targets, approachable and achieve them. With every target you will have your motivation and self esteem higher and higher. 2nd rule is to focus on other things such as a hobby when ever the man i loved comes to my mind…3rd and 4th rule i’ll leave them for later.

I stopped at the 2nd rule and decided to start from today on this airplane to stop thinking of Khalid, my sexy broad shoulder Khalid, the 180 athletic abs Khalid, the one who smelled like fresh lemons mixed with arabian bokhour, those brown curls and long lashes and of course his deep voice. Khalid i still love him but he is no longer going to be part of my life. at landing i bought a new story to read whenever Mr. hottie comes to my mind and my answers were all in front of me, here is to new beginning and here is to Zeena Mc Sea.

This is exactly how Becky Bloomingwood put it, she’s a shopaholic who keeps on trying and trying one time after the other to control her spending and i am foodaholic and lazyaholic and i will make it work this time. I hired a trainer to make me work out at least 3 times a week, i always found a way to ditch her, just like Becky but when Becky had a broken heart she wiped off her tears and did something only for her just Becky and here i start my journey.

Arriving at the beautiful country was the start to Zeena the new diva yes i am a new diva and i will fall in love soon with another hot Khalid or you know what i will fall in love with a hotter guy that has nothing to do with silly Khalid. He will protect me and never make me feel insecure. Today i start my small goal for this trip.

Two weeks without any meat or chicken, just fish and vegetables with at least 6 glasses of water that i forget to drink during working hours. I will eat at least half the portions i used to before, the plan is set for 2 weeks and am ready to rumble. Without any notice i get jet lag and sick and by natures force i can only eat bread and drink soda and tea to help my tummy. Two weeks are done, the beautiful trip is over and my goal is achieved.. am so proud of me (aren’t you?)

Back to Kuwait, here i am with a new goal but weight i lost 4 kilo, i left the country weighting 109 Kg and now am 105 Kg i deserve a gift and so i bought my self some new clothes to look nice. Now i am on another goal to lose at least 0.7Kg per week and so far so good i  love 0.5 Kg and just 300 grams are left till Friday. Am proud and excited to reach my goal because life is all about goals isn’t it.. am an achiever a, Zeena who can make it happen…

Yes my dear readers, i love my self like never before. Now no one can tell me things that put me to tears, i have the reply right away..and am shocked just like you, what made me have all this strength to speak up and stand for my self with high esteem and confidence.. of course ! how can i not know !!! ?

Because i am Zeena Mc Sea and i make things happen.

Emotions forever

As for now … am on a diet , uh as if i never stopped dieting !

This is what i always say and people tell me once i say no to anything they give me to eat. For the part 8 years when ever I reject a desert or a juice they will say ” oh zeena try it, don’t diet , diet isn’t healthy”

today I realized I wasn’t dieting at all, i was changing habits that seemed to stick with me for 8 years just like quitting smoking. smokers usually go back for a sip of a smoke and then leave it away till they reach a day where the cigarette doesn’t mean anything in their life. This is exactly what i did to my life, i started to stay away from sweets and away from unnecessary food between meals yet once am in a different mood or under certain stress those bad habits come back.

Going back to those 8 years, it seems I had my mood control my life more that I had a grip on my own mood. I was weak in front of my own emotions and feelings. A habit that indeed needs to be changed and was definitely neglected. Today I had a bar of chocolate, a scope of ice cream and a half a glass of smoothie at a local restaurant and oh 2 bites of chocolate from a chocolate place. That made me think, I never had these things before in one day, in the past 8 years ice cream was once in a blue moon, chocolate was once or twice a month when the hormones kick and juice ! oh! I can’t even remember when I had fresh juice, I prefer water !and guess what, I had nothing to talk about or anything to laugh on and I realized when ever I say anything no one is interested to listen… STOP !

Yes I had to stop, I am pulled to a different world I don’t understand, a world of a lot of food and lack of self-control ran by weakness of emotions. I looked at my thin friends, if anything bothered them they just ignore it or turn it into a joke that made them laugh, to them what ever bothers them if off the window when it makes me think over and over and over till am tried and indulge my self in a big scoop of ice cream as if its gonna give me the answer, like smokers when they think a smoke can clear their mind, while in real life is taking your mind off the subject for a while to be able to find the answer within my self.

Zeena is fighting weakness

Zeena is back

Yes I am back but this time with a total differant person today I am a working women and single. It took me more than a year to get over Khalid and until today I don’t know what happened or what changed but I know for sure I miss him and there is nothing on earth will bring me back to him. Today I am a happy single working women with a career that doesn’t seem very enlightining either but i love what I do. And love whom I have become.

You might wonder did you lose weight?
With a big smile on my face that’s why I am here again Zeenas still struggling with her weight.

After my trauma with Khalid I let my self go, to a level that I forgot what color was on my head or what time usually breakfasts are. I slept more, lived in isolation and gained good number of kilos.

Today I weight 107kg with body fat of 40% which means I can die any second now. The challenge to lose app that weight and keep stress free to succeed at my job.

My current diet plan is what I like to call “back to basic” which means every single meal should contain the basic five nutrients (i.e. Vegetables, milk products, carbs, protiens and peas) started out well and started to build my energy and now I can hit the gym again after not being able to leave the bed.

Zeena is a new person eating greens and organic food; no more dining out unless it’s a gathering

No more fried food which is a very common dish in Kuwait, fried food is almost on every meal, and workout for am hour a day.

Am a happy free birdeven though am walking on a cloud.

Love you all
P. S. I read all of ur comments thank you for the kindest words on earth, I’ll reply to each one of them soon.

Love love
Zeena McSea :*

Happy Eid to you

Dearest readers, 

Happy Eid to all of the Muslim readers, Happy eid to my family and friends.. and happy eid to my love Khalid, there is no eid without you.. my eid started with a tear on my right cheek .

Dearest khalid, 

I hope you find this blog.. to at least know how i feel.. I can’t forget the nice times we had, the last month of fights is not us.. i miss you i love you and you will always be in my heart. I still don’t know the reason for you to be away, i don’t know why you don’t even want to talk to me.. maybe i had my mistakes and you had yours so lets forget about them and learn and move on together.. Khalid we have something no other couple has, we are adam and eve we can build a great future together. 

I’m waiting for you Khalid , i’m waiting for our reunion .. so please say happy eid.

Love, 

Zeena

Back to the Ground

For the past hmmm couple of months or more maybe , i’ve been away from the whole world, me and my husband (Khalid) were celebrating the new dress size i’m having these days, i can finally shop from every British shop, not yet from the fancy brand names but at least not plus sizes anymore. We’ve been shopping alot, hanging out alot and enjoying the company of our old friends here in Kuwait. I can say shopping is the best part of it all.. the rest gave me a bit of depression.

Khalid and I are very touchy people, we love to hold hands from time to time and admire each other when ever we feel like it and this got us in trouble in Kuwait, hanging out with our married friends isn’t helping at all, if i hold his hands they would say ” ga6a roo7ha 3aleeh” and when he is holding mine “3ala shino mayet 3aleeha, 3ayara” they don’t leave us alone. Khalid and I started to get hurt from what they are saying and we started to go out on our own again and he started to change. My husband used to be very romantic and makes me feel like his priority’s in life, today after months in Kuwait he has other priorities than his wife, he have to call his friends instead of talking to his partner, he has to cancel our dates because he can’t tell his friends he’s going out with his wife or they would make fun of him, and when he is with them he can’t talk to me because they wont stop teasing him.

Today his list of tasks everyday starts with his job, his friends, his family, his free time relaxing from his social life, then home to eat and sleep and maybe his wife. We are not talking to each other anymore, i wake up earlier than him, i sleep after him, we sleep next to each other, and each of us has his own life away from the other, its just the house that is bringing us back together despite the fact that no communication ever happens behind the doors nor romance. Our weekends are in our family’s house and usually men are separated from women as so i am with Khalid, on our friends wedding, we were separated too, in our gyms too. Nothing is bringing us back together.

After a long thinking i decided to step on my pride and do something to bring us back together so i sugested we go out on a date, just me and him in a private place … due to finance issues our private place was his car, we met there and cruised around the whole country. During that time i thought finally we can hold hands and be together in one car without having to go to two different places after words.  We started to talk and talk and talk and laugh for less than 15 minutes until his friends started to call every single minute, then his work, then again his friends and over and over and over … whats more annoying that those friends are usually his female friends, once they know he is out with me they make all kinds of jokes about us.

We couldn’t enjoy our time, or i couldn’t enjoy my time, he was on the phone and i was on his chest… until i got tired from sitting and we went home and fell asleep without saying anything to each other again. He was tried from talking on the phone, and i was tired from roaming around the country for 3 hours listing to his friends chat about their boyfriends, jobs etc.

Now I gathered my self and decided to let my emotion aside and start focusing on my own life, get my masters, find me a decent job, enjoy my weightloss process , meet my friends and make newer ones, enjoy my hobbies and let our relationship take its own path in either having us back together or grow apart.  Life is too short to be wasted like that.

Because of that I’m back to write my stories, back to the kuwaiti life style and i shall never be away again.. nothing is worth it.