Sometimes when world is dark and the sounds are on mute i start to feel a forgotten dot in the giant world. I don’t know if anyone experienced such a feeling, i start wondering what have happened today? What achievements have i done? How happy am i compared to other days but everyday it get worse and worse tried many ways to get out of this mood at night but when i prevent dealing with it i feel it in the morning or anytime am alone.
“your afraid of being lonely” an ex friend suggested but thats not true i realized i did grow up alone even though i grew up as a social bug.
“lack of confidence” suggested an ex fiancé but he made me lose my confidence am never concerned.
Today i decided to thank god for all the good i have even though all that i want is not here not close to me. What was it?? Why was i feeling left alone ? Why no one would pick up the phone and ask about me? I realized i never did the same for any of my friends. Am only there when they allow me, i only speak when they start a subject and i only laugh loud when they do.
How many of us counted the times their friends started the good then they did the same to them? I bet many of us and its starting to be part of the new culture.
Tonight i will dream of happy times and shall give happy times to everyone around me without a return.
Good night Zeena friends i shall be a happier creature in the morning.
This Ramadan i decided to ditch all social activities and stay at home with the typical excuse of i am short on my prayers i want to do more to god. Worship more.
Thats just what i wish.
On the first week of Ramadan i had the Holly Quran in my hand all day trying to read just a page … But i fall asleep reading. I thought to my self that could be the thirst and lack of sleep. Second week of Ramadan the sleeping habits didn’t change and yet my kidneys were killing me. 3rd week of Ramadan i faced reality i couldn’t bend while praying i figured out i am in serious back and knee pain that i couldnt pray and in serious hip pain that i couldnt sit and read the quraan.
Yes, i know what you are thinking of my dear Kuwaiti friend, i should go for the famous gastric sleeve or what ever they call it. Every one in kuwait is advising me to go get the surgery done to cut off the hunger glands and have my tummy in the size of a peanut. I rest my case and thought why not let me give it a shot.
“get out of my office this is for serious obese cases” this is what i wished the doctor would say but in reality he called me a cow and called me a sick person and that i need to do the surgery today. The next thing i know am in my car with loud music driving so fast to the gym. “am not a cow am a beautiful creature whose got a little fat sagging off my waist, am not sick am emotionally weak, bastard!!!” telling my self all the time running until all i can see people on top of me splashing water over my face “are you ok?” “wake up” yes i fainted.
Here i stopped going to the gym and i decided to do a full checkup on the nutritional values in my body with a proper doctor rather than a butcher.
The results came out that this giant cow as he said has malnutrition !!! Me!!! They must be kidding am fat yet i have no zinc, no vitamins nor iron and my stomach is in the size of a medium apple while am fasting. Shocking!!!! And am shocked.
For someone whose 167 cm high and 105 kilos heavy of a BMI of 35 am actually suffering from malnutrition with a tinny stomach …
Then what is wrong with my digestion !?
Living in my lovely home land Kuwait doesnt help much in reducing ones weight. At work we meet over we visit friends we have to eat what is served, we visit the family we eat as well, a long lost friend we deffinetly go out for dinner to catch up. In simple words life in Kuwait revolves around the table or more correct around the colorful competitive dishes from the lastest home made goods.
6 years ago when my size was 4 sizes smaller than today u was proud to eat out for all the healthy green choices available on the menu. Today, the healthiest dish would either have hidden sugars or mayo. You have to admit its not easy loosing weight i. This country.
Trail and dailluir this is what my lofe has been like for the past 6 years. Today am close to big O and not ready for anymore loses unless they are Kg’s
تعمدت ان اقلب صفحاتي
و ان اسكن وحدتي
اعيش كل دقيقة منا بهدوء سكينتي
و صدق انفاسي
قررت ان اكون بعيده عن كل كلام معتاد
منافق و مجاهد
تعمدت ان اسكن وحدتي
احس بلذه هدوئها و عسره مزاجاتها
ها انا ذا في كامل الهدوء
لايرن في اذني غير اصوات الاوبرا الدافئه و اقلامي المتناثره
اكشفت في وحدتي
Nothing ever beats a lovely feeling when i step on the scale and the number comes out smaller that what i planned.
Expectations are great when you get more than what expected. Finally the scale is showing some movement.
Ill leave you with this picture it speaks tons of words.
2012 what a beautiful year, the weather is amazing , people are happy 2011 is gone – even though i believed it did well to me – and the optimism is filling the air. Last post on this blog was from Kuwait, yet i left the country and just came back, here we are again a month in a desert country in the time of elections and Zeena – me – still weighing 3 digits on the scale.
Obviously the weight loss progress is tremendously un achievable until this time my energy levels are not on top of the moon only but on fire to reach the goal for once and all. Just started to have the 7-3 job and the dining out life style that we have in Kuwait.
In Kuwait life revolves around food, girls meet over dinner or lunch if you are lucky to have active friends you will meet for breakfast eggs, cheese, bagels and end it up with delicious breyoush dipped and glazed with sugar cinnamon and nautella chocolate on the side ! OMG ! what we just did ! we ate a 2000 Cal. meal and the subjects during this delicious meal was over a handsome man or how to go under a certain diet.
If you are skinny chick, chubby one or over weight even Obese we all talk about the latest clothes and the latest restaurant in Kuwait. (maybe that should be a post on it own) .Carrying on, today after 1 year of no blogging or looking into my health here i am enjoying online shopping for super sized me – not so cute- eating in the latest American cousin and blogging…
if we rewind all the above in less than 6 months i’ll be in the size of an elephant…
“Zeena wake up” the sound in my head says … ok here i plan for tomorrow … actually today too .. no heavy meals just a good salad and i shall workout at night.
The plan for tomorrow: wake up at 4, workout, go to work, leave work, workout, go home, and then go out
whose supporting on this plan? you my dear readers you will be the reason i keep on coming back to this blog and write more. Will make sure to write every day were is the progress going and how after 3 years i finally achieved my goal.
WOW am optimistic !
Weight: 107 kg
Size: 18 American
What else can I say, stuck at work, stuck in life, stuck in my body and health. After working out once for 40 minutes of pure low passé of cardio and ever sense am sick. Is there anything in this world would make me lose weight and happy at the same time…
Very upset Zeena !!!