To lose or not to lose

Models eat few bites all day long which helps their metabolism to get in action and do the job. Since the portions are small our body can digest them and give us the energy we need. On top of that they party all night which includes dancing equals working out, workout in the morning …

For the past six months, I’ve been struggling with my weight loss issue, it was never an issue, i would work out,enjoy it and lose , eat healthy with few cheats every once in a while and i keep on feeling good.

When i decided to be a nerd and study 24/7 things changed. Gym times were compromised for projects, food was just to keep me awake in class and alert if i had to stay up all night, i had zero time to socialize so my wardrobe was passive, working from home means wearing tees and tights specially after realizing my clothes don’t fit me anymore. So i started doing many things from blood tests to daily food list to starvation as well as vomiting my self.

I had this serious crush on a colleague, he has weight loss issues, and of-course i wasn’t that type to be attracted to with all the wiggly fats, life started to be a one dark grave that i can’t get out of or light a candle, i started to manage my time to work out and sleep two hours less. Going back to the gym wasn’t easy either, after all that weight that is gained i didn’t want people to see me, i don’t want to buy new clothes so i lose weight and to be honest to save me some money specially that overweight women’s clothes are way too expensive.

I started to work out at least one hour daily, power walks, aerobics, yoga, dancing and walking… Things weren’t the same at the beginning, i fainted many times and had difficulties breathing and having chest and back pain that forced me to stop many time, on top of that when I’m done working out i couldn’t drive back home, or focus, i would feel down and weak that all i can do is sleep.

Today i had to go out before depression enters my life, i took a shower, got very optimistic and decided to go out.. after showering i did few stretches and started to try one piece of cloth after the other, none of them fitted me, none of them would hide my belly… I had a girdle on, my belly looked bigger as well as my thighs.. i had to wear another one, my shoulders and breasts looked very ugly. Life seemed darker and my bones felt weaker that i had to sleep after taking all my clothes out of the closet. I regained my energy and decided to a third girdle, a bit loose girdle that hold my body fat from jiggling while walking.

For five weeks is when i started to work out again and I’ve been on a very restricted diet , i followed it with a dear friend who tended to lose 9 kilos and i lost none.

When i arrived at my destiny things started to ease up a little in my mind, few young guys flirted which made me feel a bit confident, and to say the truth my friend made me feel good. After dinner and talking about my life abroad i realized…

When i travel, i always tend to lose weight lots of kilos can be shed in less than three months, But what the difference?

When I’m not in Kuwait, i usually tend to choose my food or cook it my self. When i’m hungry and in need for a snack i would go buy a dish of makis or any Japanese snack or grab a fruit or vegetable plate. Then it hit me.

In Kuwait i never got to choose what i want to eat, i just eat what is offered and if i’m hungry between snacks i would always try to find something that would put me to sleep or something sweet …

Now why would i crave sweets in Kuwait and not abroad?

Simple, over there i eat more vegetables and food i crave so it takes off my cravings for other things like sweets.

So i decided, my new plan is to cook my food, go Japanese and have few bits all day instead of one big meal.

I have never felt like sleeping all day , or hide in my bed because of my weight…now i do because i loved you.