Day 15 of Care

breakfast: hallium sandwich with milk and melon salad

lunch 15

 I was too hungry, i couldn’t take a better pic. or eat in a plate!

Lunch: molokheya with rice

Dessert: Hazelnut chocolate

Dinner: Corn flakes with greek salad and lentile soup. They forgot to bring me milk. or maybe they meant something else.. i dunno.

I cheated, i had eggs with salami too on dinner.. i just needed something to fill my stomach and put me to sleep.

I can’t wait for tomorrow , i’m too hungry.

Women Disrespect

Spending Two hours of my time trying to keep him company when he is watching his masculine TV shows, my only way out was sitting next to him and read e-books so i wont be very distracted if he said or commented anything , i would be alert.

” I wish i wasn’t raised in Kuwait, i wish i was in some green country” he said…

“oh gosh please, don’t send your negativity to me” i said… and the disrespect started, i became a very disrespectful person.

I felt it for a while he hated my guts, discussing Masters scholarships would make me yell at me for no reason ” i don’t like to be given advices” that would be his reply.. OK i wont advice you, but when he go into greater depths i don’t want him come to me expressing his pain and making my heart burn from sadness over his situation. When i say i want to do this, he would make it bad .. when i give him an idea it is always wrong, when i say something right .. they have to make fun of it.

A mistake after the other he did and yet he doesn’t learn his lesson, still goes through the same mistakes. I feel bad to see a grown man in his thirty’s with such potential is being suppressed because he believes this country is crap. IT is not crap, it is a small country with lots of crap .. yet it is developing country, he might not be a multimillionaire that he dreams of being , or he wont be able to own a house of his own, but you never know if he focused on one thing and lived happily with what he has god will make him own all the things he dreams of, its not people that makes you reach your dreams, it is god.

He believed i’m disrespectful because i told him you are disrespecting me, he believes when i tell him an advice i’m trying to hurt him, why would i hurt him and since when advices would hurt?! unless you are doing something wrong and you know it.

Usually i keep quite and i don’t reply back to his comments, but now i can’t just keep quite because he is being very rude to me, to my country to my dreams.  I can’t listen to bad things and keep quite anymore.. living in a desert and saying that is it an ugly place and you wish to live in another place will not help anyone think straight.. it seems to me like someone who has gold underneath his feet but he can’t see it because he is too busy looking far away from where he is standing.

What is the problem with a 600KD’s pay check? what is the problem with a 4,000 KD’s car? or a 350 rented apartment? this wont make anyone disrespect me.. and if anyone did then they have issues they need to solve.. There are people living out of this money and less… I know a whole family of four children living out of 100 KD’s a month..

All it takes to realize were your feet are and be happy with what you have and god will make you happier and richer if you worked hard enough.

I wish i can tell him these thing, i wish he can be happy with his life.

My heart is aching right now, why is it when i speak it is disrespectful and when his women speaks he can’t even say a word?  i don’t know why he hates me that much, i don’t know why he treat me this way.. he left the house without saying good bye to me, and when he comes to the house he barely cares to give me a kiss.. i wounder is it because i don’t give him a look or act like a cuttie pie so he would listen to me? Is it really the way i look affects my words that much? Did he expect to see me fat without knowledge ? or beautiful without brains? or a women without voice?

Every day since my mother left.. he never respected me actually not every day, every time we start to talk.  Is it because i have my meals alone and decided to cut off my money to take care of my health? is it because i’m compromising my dinning out habits, shopping, and having few businesses here and there to pay for my health care is a big issue to him..

Tell me i did something wrong so i would go and apologize, tell me i was very disrespectful when i told him he was being too negative.. tell me i was wrong when i told him ” i wish you all the luck on your masters, get the applications ready so you get a scholarship”  Or is it the way Big women should be treated because they are fat and like what everyone believes, big women don’t take care of them selves.