Day 17 of Care

Breakfast: corn flakes, milk and asian fruit salad.

BF 17

There is something about this fruit salad, even though it makes me feel nauseated, once i eat it i can’t stop loving it.

Lunch: Tandori chicken with rice and green salad

lunch 17

Snack: Hazelnut chocolate hearts ( i had only one and i will save the other two for the comming days)

Dinner: Half portion of Burger with Roca salad and lentile soup.

dinner 17

BTW i miss having sandwiches for lunch. and i still have million and one questions to ask him.. shall i call or wait until we meet in two weeks?

Day 16 of Care

The big day

Today i got my weight, i officially lost three kilo grams.. Gosh today that nutritionist was hotter than any other day.. and he kept a very good eye contact to make me melt in my seat. I couldn’t breath from shyness today , i even forgot to ask him several things i needed to know and now i’m more shy to call him and let him know.. Why does he have to be so cute?

Breakfast: Green tea

breakfast 16

Breakfast “real” : labneh with Zaatar , milk, bomly and pomegranet fruit salad and rice cakes. – i love this food-

lunch 16

Lunch: 1/2 chicken breast with vegetables,grape leaves and rice with angel hair. look at the chicken size, tinny.. i rather have no rice and more chicken.. i love meat.

Snack: Fruit salad – i’m really bored .. but i was too shy to tell him that, specially when he told me that next week will be half the portions.. why is he so cute?

Dinner: Mushroom risotto – i wish it was chicken- lentile soup (i wish it was cream of brocolli ) with ceaser salad ( i forgot to ask him if it is possible to use my own dressing instead of his)

i have a meeting in 10 days.. and i think i should start working out harder.. i dunno it was written on his face today that i should work out harder.

Gosh .. he is cute, talkative and happy which means in real life he is calm, sweet and religious… is it possible to flirt with him?

Day 15 of Care

breakfast: hallium sandwich with milk and melon salad

lunch 15

 I was too hungry, i couldn’t take a better pic. or eat in a plate!

Lunch: molokheya with rice

Dessert: Hazelnut chocolate

Dinner: Corn flakes with greek salad and lentile soup. They forgot to bring me milk. or maybe they meant something else.. i dunno.

I cheated, i had eggs with salami too on dinner.. i just needed something to fill my stomach and put me to sleep.

I can’t wait for tomorrow , i’m too hungry.

Women Disrespect

Spending Two hours of my time trying to keep him company when he is watching his masculine TV shows, my only way out was sitting next to him and read e-books so i wont be very distracted if he said or commented anything , i would be alert.

” I wish i wasn’t raised in Kuwait, i wish i was in some green country” he said…

“oh gosh please, don’t send your negativity to me” i said… and the disrespect started, i became a very disrespectful person.

I felt it for a while he hated my guts, discussing Masters scholarships would make me yell at me for no reason ” i don’t like to be given advices” that would be his reply.. OK i wont advice you, but when he go into greater depths i don’t want him come to me expressing his pain and making my heart burn from sadness over his situation. When i say i want to do this, he would make it bad .. when i give him an idea it is always wrong, when i say something right .. they have to make fun of it.

A mistake after the other he did and yet he doesn’t learn his lesson, still goes through the same mistakes. I feel bad to see a grown man in his thirty’s with such potential is being suppressed because he believes this country is crap. IT is not crap, it is a small country with lots of crap .. yet it is developing country, he might not be a multimillionaire that he dreams of being , or he wont be able to own a house of his own, but you never know if he focused on one thing and lived happily with what he has god will make him own all the things he dreams of, its not people that makes you reach your dreams, it is god.

He believed i’m disrespectful because i told him you are disrespecting me, he believes when i tell him an advice i’m trying to hurt him, why would i hurt him and since when advices would hurt?! unless you are doing something wrong and you know it.

Usually i keep quite and i don’t reply back to his comments, but now i can’t just keep quite because he is being very rude to me, to my country to my dreams.  I can’t listen to bad things and keep quite anymore.. living in a desert and saying that is it an ugly place and you wish to live in another place will not help anyone think straight.. it seems to me like someone who has gold underneath his feet but he can’t see it because he is too busy looking far away from where he is standing.

What is the problem with a 600KD’s pay check? what is the problem with a 4,000 KD’s car? or a 350 rented apartment? this wont make anyone disrespect me.. and if anyone did then they have issues they need to solve.. There are people living out of this money and less… I know a whole family of four children living out of 100 KD’s a month..

All it takes to realize were your feet are and be happy with what you have and god will make you happier and richer if you worked hard enough.

I wish i can tell him these thing, i wish he can be happy with his life.

My heart is aching right now, why is it when i speak it is disrespectful and when his women speaks he can’t even say a word?  i don’t know why he hates me that much, i don’t know why he treat me this way.. he left the house without saying good bye to me, and when he comes to the house he barely cares to give me a kiss.. i wounder is it because i don’t give him a look or act like a cuttie pie so he would listen to me? Is it really the way i look affects my words that much? Did he expect to see me fat without knowledge ? or beautiful without brains? or a women without voice?

Every day since my mother left.. he never respected me actually not every day, every time we start to talk.  Is it because i have my meals alone and decided to cut off my money to take care of my health? is it because i’m compromising my dinning out habits, shopping, and having few businesses here and there to pay for my health care is a big issue to him..

Tell me i did something wrong so i would go and apologize, tell me i was very disrespectful when i told him he was being too negative.. tell me i was wrong when i told him ” i wish you all the luck on your masters, get the applications ready so you get a scholarship”  Or is it the way Big women should be treated because they are fat and like what everyone believes, big women don’t take care of them selves.

Day 14 of Care

أنا جعاااااانه!

LOL !

Breakfast: Nistle flakes with milk and fruit salad.

lunch 14

Lunch: Half portion of vegetable beriany yuummy with ceaser salad.

Dinner: Lentil soup, Rocha salad, and mushroom chicken breast with carrots and mashed potatoes.

Now ana ja3aaaan! seriously.

Good news, i am 100 Kg 🙂  and i will not need chemotherapy, i have no cancerous cells nor cysts or clusters of fat , phew 🙂

Day 13 of Care

Breakfast: Milk, fruit salad and halloom sandwich

Lunch: Koshari, Yogurt with cucumber

Snack: fruit salad

Dinner: Mini Kabobs with tomato and onions, Tomato soup with macaroni’s – no mac’s for me- and tabooleh.

Lesson 5: If anyone want to get married, then they should try to hook me up in their life, even my female friends. 🙂

Day 12 of Care

Today i was very sad over my nutritionist, they told me he is in the hospital, poor handsome man, I was feeling very very sad all day, until my old friend called… which brought a smile to my face and made my mind busy away from my pain.

Also i found my Ex brother online, and told me that my Ex got married, i’m happy for him and sorry for the girl unless she is as dirty as he is. So i decided after a stressful day i had to go for a massage.

I had a full body relaxation massage with aroma therapy at the Elysium gym and spa , i had it with ju jin somthing like that, the place wasn’t relaxig and very cheap for the price i paid and the massage was refloxology! i could’ve done it on my own. Not good, not having massage in that place again.

Now back to my daily care,

Breakfast : Asian fruit salad ( i don’t like it, leeche’s with pineapples and grapes with mint sauce eeew) but after finish it i liked it.  Nestle corn flakes with milk.. again another mistake i can’t have wheat or grain.. so i was bloated all day.

lunch 12

Lunch:  i was starving and it was tandori chicken with Greek salad and fruit salad… i was very hunrgy after this meal but after two hours i was very full.  With fruit salad

Dinner 12

Dinner : that was yummy .. chicken potato  (like Scottish potato) with vegetables and Beet root salad and lentile soup ..  and you know what i missed lentile soup which reminds me of that song العدس العدس مادري شنو

It’s obvious i was hungry

I’m happy now 🙂 , and sleepy too… and still very behind in work and work and work 🙂

Good night beautiful people 🙂

You really made me smile again.

Day Elven of Care

Today was a messed up day,

Breakfast was at 1 pm : halloum sandwich with milk and fruit salad.

Lunch was at 9 pm : grilled fish with potato and vege’s

Dinner was at 1 am grilled chicken with soup

Left overs: fruit salad, and ceasar salad.

Tomorrow i’m going with my friend to see how did we do in 10 days.. 11 🙂

no pictures today, i had to time to fix my room or wash my hair.. big mess , hard workout..  i have too many clothes i need to hide for now.

I’ve been noticing that every time i take Triple Lean 3 i get depressed and easily into tears, i think the caffeine is playing with my brain ! i dunno.. i should stop using it anyway.

Yesterday i had a very bad night, very bad sleep and this weekend i didn’t finish any of my work .

Tomorrow i will have a massage session and i should finish what i didn’t finish during the weekend.. i’m running late.

Love you all my dear readers.. i guess this week i will be a bit late with my posts.. i hope not, i will try to manage my time.  I’m facing some new duties with family members and loved ones.. i need to manage between them, work , plans and gym as well as fixing this house.

Lesson 4: Put on a smile, it is a happy day because you can smile and friends  i should call them even if they didn’t .. o keefhoum .

Day Ten Of Care

So here we are .. day ten.. my weight hasn’t been the same from yesterday, today morning and now.. so i don’t know who things are.
Breakfast: Nestle fitness with raisins and dried fruits with asian fruit salad in mint juice.. i don’t like asian fruit salads and i can’t have this cereal so i guess thats why my weight flactuated alot today.

This is what bothers me about them, they sometimes tend to forget about my gluten sensitivity and bring me whole wheat things.. i should tell them .

Lunch: Fish tekka with potato and carrots.. ceaser salad and  fruit salad

Dinner: كبة بالصينيه مع عيش بالشعريه ، سلطة جرجير  and cream of mushroom soup.

Today my weight is 102.8 ! i don’t know why but i guess mostly because of the glutinated food and the cereal , asian fruit salad and noodles rice.. so i should tell him about that.

apple tart

Also today i made Apple Tart for some reason i felt like doing it instead of fixing my room or go to the gym . It didn’t look good because i made a very thin crust and we didn’t have the right tart pan ..so i used a pyrex LOL but it tasted really good, this is what every one told me.. but tonight i will serve it with vanilla ice cream so it will fix the look a bit. I dunno why i added glazed almonds, i was so desperate to make it look decent.. what is even funnier that i didn’t find a decent plate .. so halaga fe halaga.. bs 3adi.. its my first time with tarts.

I didn’t have a good day… i’m sure the rest will be better. I’m tired of ups and downs in one single day.  And close ones calling me names, and others don’t answer my calls , and others just say mean things of the things i love or like. Why are they so mean when i’m so sweet to them! i shouldn’t give then any attention any more.

Day Nine of Care

Breakfast: I was late so i had no time to take a picture of the beautiful plate of three different cheeses (cheddar, Halloum, جبنة الفأر) with red cabbage and celery with two strawberry’s on the side.. i hate cheese, and i told that handsome man i don’t like cheese, why did he added it?!

Snack 1: bomly and pomegranate fruit salad mixed with guava juice. I noticed something, these days I’m ready to stop having snacks and have this dish as it is supposed to be a complementary to the main meal 🙂 shall i ask him before doing that?

lunch9

Lunch: Chelo Kebab with pomegranate rice (yummy) , mast kheyar (cucumber with yogurt)

Snack 2: Fruit salad

dinner 9

Dinner: Sweet and sour fish with boiled potato’s, artichoke salad and vegetable with lentil soup.

Lesson 3: Enjoy life, and don’t get bothered about people.. also stay active.

Why do we have days of none stop tears? days that nothing goes right, nothing makes you smile, no one seems to care about who you are and what you do. Today is one of those days to me, too many old people called me but none really cared to know what is going on with me, they just wanted to do it so my mother would know they did.

All these ladies are 30+ older than i am, and they feel very comfortable to talk to me about their fears and life, they are all suffering from loneliness when i realized i am living their life. I feel lonely, i feel alone, i feel left alone too.. where are you? do you hear me? or are you listening to what i say?

Me , my aunt, my other aunt, our neighbor, my other aunt, my other aunt, …etc and none stop of old women suffering the same pain i am suffering from, but do they go into tears the way i do? or did age tamed their expressions?

I love being alone, i love traveling on my own and i would be at the happiest time of my life, because i know i am alone not living in the same house with others who are there but not. Living in the same location where you know hundreds of people but none is there next to you, none is there to call and share a laugh or just talk about your day and they would care to know. What makes it even worse that they feel really comfortable to talk to me about their lives, but who will listen about mine?

Morning prayers will. I believe god hears me, i actually talk to him and he response to me every single time in a way or another , still i’m human after all, i lose faith and i need another creature that would think, make voices and i can touch.

I love to hear you still.. vent out all your fears, after all thats why i was born, i guess, to adsorb all your pain.