Love and Scale

You Are Always On Mind, a beautiful song performed lately by Michael Buble this song in specific took me back in time when love was a word in my dictionary. Six years ago he was the only thing on my mind, in those days love had a different meaning; a meaning i can’t find in nowadays book . I looked through many books of relationships, many books of love and books of friendship.. those weren’t the regular paper or hard cover books..They all came in solid cover , very protective and hard to know what is in it. Those books are the books of people i met, those i should mention in another post, one of those books was his Mishary’s book.

I was a teenager when we met while he was in his mid thirty’s, his memories of his childhood were things i heard from elder ones in my family.. we had nothing in common else than our love. Any man i meet today his main concern in knowing me is sexual “are we going to kiss?” “will we go out to my place?” “will i be able to slip my hands under your shirt?” these were the questions that manage to make me lose their numbers except for Mishary‘s, he never asked if he can kiss me, he never asked if he can have a sensual moment with me, our love was as pure as the white feathers. His lips once tried to reach mine instead the landed on my cheeks .. and since then he understood and a hug to my hands were enough to express how deeply we feel for each other.. تعذب و تعذبت بس كانت احلى ايام

In return to his struggle to survive meeting me at least three times a week without feeling our passion and love… he made me lose weight. Before each workout session we would meet which used to encourage me and work out more .. what i lose in a month nowadays i used to lose it in few weeks back then. His love made me shed Thirty Two  Kilograms in six months.

Do i have to say more?

Our love didn’t meant to last .. A year after i met someone i cared about and he “did” as well until we had a big fight over having sex and feeling for each other.. Knowing this second person made me gain Seventeen Kilograms.. he hated my body, he hated the fact that i refused giving him my virginity, the fights never stopped and the weight was never the same.

Today with every Kilogram i shed it resembles my recovery from Mohammed and for the memory of Mishary “may he rest in peace”.

8 Comments

  1. Are you saying your weight is because of men?

    no dear purg
    Zeena

  2. Don’t look back.. that’s all I can say for you. You’ll get over Mohammed, and Mishary too (may he rest in peace). Leave the past behind you and look ahead. You’re doing great so far.


    🙂 Thanks
    I am over them.. just analyzing.
    Zeena

  3. Orginal was sung by Elvis Presly … the King , then it was covered by Willie Nelson , Phil Collins ,

    Life is too sweet to gain weight over men ! Come on !

    Well you are right.. but the pain !
    Its in the past now..
    Zeena

  4. 3awarty galbe 3ala mshari.. ina lilah wa ina elayh raj3oon..

    sweetie wer all here for u.. any man who says anything abt ur wieght is a *excuse me* BIG D%^&..

    ur doin great!! walk walk walk.. sit ups sit ups sit ups.. yalla sawehom 3ashan ana allah yahdeeny ow ared elgym ;p

    🙂 i love home gym.. i started yoga now it is amazing 🙂
    Thank you Ms. D you are a sugar pie.
    Zeena

  5. Don’t look at the past, i know how it feels right now, many girls who had been in relationships egoloon inna alot of the guys hal ayam have sex oo chithy in their minds as a priority…
    + if someone really wants you for who you are he has to love your weight, the way you look and everything feech as much as he loves you..
    you don’t need a man like mshari ( allah yer7oma) to make you loose weight, turst yourself and take it a step at a time oo 9adgeeni everything will be ok 😉

    Inshalla.. Thank you Shoosha
    Zeena

  6. Ouch! Alllah yer7am mishary..
    hun it seems that u need a motive , being in love and wanting to look perfect to mishary is what made you shed those pounds , with moh. you didnt feel so attractive which reflected on your weight you should stop that ! lazm you look for men who appreciates you and wants you bl7alal (as propose!)
    on the weight issue dieting is soo difficult especially that you have to renew your will everyday! keep ur eyes fixed on the prize oo goodluck! 🙂


    Thank you Dalalen, you understood me well. Talking about bil 7alal the first thing those horny guys say “lose weight i’ll marry you, or i would marry another women with you” ya3ny shal esloob !
    The goal is in-front of me every single second… I will be there 🙂
    Thanks love, you drew a smile on my face.
    Zeena

  7. Hey there sis,

    *big hug*

    I know exactly how you feel. Been there, done that. Hon, all I know is that you’ve been through this for a reason.

    My weight has been an issue for me over the years and it stemmed from my lack of self-love, self-trust, self-worth subconsciously. I learnt that life’s like the safety clip they play in the airplanes- when the oxygen masks are dropped, we’re asked to put ours on before helping others. I then realized that I couldn’t truly love another person wisely and neither could I expect someone to love me unless I had love for myself. It was more of a theoretical knowledge but I worked on it- getting to know myself better by hugging myself in front of the mirror, affirming that I’m a beautiful being of light having a human experience and not vice versa (just as everyone else is). It felt stupid and embarrassing in the beginning- I couldn’t even say “I love you” to myself in front of the mirror- I was filled with that much of disgust. But well, I started mediating more, getting to know my likes and dislikes and had dates with myself. The pounds of pain started shedding. I still have loads to lose but I can truly say that I love myself.

    So sis, I say this to you with nothing but pure, unconditional love- a pure love that needs nothing in return: You are a beautiful soul that’s here to do great things. You wouldn’t have this blog up otherwise. You’re touching more hearts than you know of but honey, you got to touch your own first- which you ARE doing and I applaud you for that. You go girl! You rock! **hugsss**

    Mwah,
    Maya

    Maya Dearest, your words are like roses in a cold white winter , they simply brought colors to my day and sure my journey. I keep them close to my heart, to a better shape and stronger physic.
    Thank you my dear, i’m speechless.
    Zeena

  8. The pleasure is mine hon. You deserve the best and you’re going to get it! Keeping those prayings coming 🙂

    Mwah,
    Maya

    Thank you sweet heart.. :*
    Zeena


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