Emotions forever

As for now … am on a diet , uh as if i never stopped dieting !

This is what i always say and people tell me once i say no to anything they give me to eat. For the part 8 years when ever I reject a desert or a juice they will say ” oh zeena try it, don’t diet , diet isn’t healthy”

today I realized I wasn’t dieting at all, i was changing habits that seemed to stick with me for 8 years just like quitting smoking. smokers usually go back for a sip of a smoke and then leave it away till they reach a day where the cigarette doesn’t mean anything in their life. This is exactly what i did to my life, i started to stay away from sweets and away from unnecessary food between meals yet once am in a different mood or under certain stress those bad habits come back.

Going back to those 8 years, it seems I had my mood control my life more that I had a grip on my own mood. I was weak in front of my own emotions and feelings. A habit that indeed needs to be changed and was definitely neglected. Today I had a bar of chocolate, a scope of ice cream and a half a glass of smoothie at a local restaurant and oh 2 bites of chocolate from a chocolate place. That made me think, I never had these things before in one day, in the past 8 years ice cream was once in a blue moon, chocolate was once or twice a month when the hormones kick and juice ! oh! I can’t even remember when I had fresh juice, I prefer water !and guess what, I had nothing to talk about or anything to laugh on and I realized when ever I say anything no one is interested to listen… STOP !

Yes I had to stop, I am pulled to a different world I don’t understand, a world of a lot of food and lack of self-control ran by weakness of emotions. I looked at my thin friends, if anything bothered them they just ignore it or turn it into a joke that made them laugh, to them what ever bothers them if off the window when it makes me think over and over and over till am tried and indulge my self in a big scoop of ice cream as if its gonna give me the answer, like smokers when they think a smoke can clear their mind, while in real life is taking your mind off the subject for a while to be able to find the answer within my self.

Zeena is fighting weakness 🙂

Zeena is back

Yes I am back but this time with a total differant person today I am a working women and single. It took me more than a year to get over Khalid and until today I don’t know what happened or what changed but I know for sure I miss him and there is nothing on earth will bring me back to him. Today I am a happy single working women with a career that doesn’t seem very enlightining either but i love what I do. And love whom I have become.

You might wonder did you lose weight?
With a big smile on my face that’s why I am here again Zeenas still struggling with her weight.

After my trauma with Khalid I let my self go, to a level that I forgot what color was on my head or what time usually breakfasts are. I slept more, lived in isolation and gained good number of kilos.

Today I weight 107kg with body fat of 40% which means I can die any second now. The challenge to lose app that weight and keep stress free to succeed at my job.

My current diet plan is what I like to call “back to basic” which means every single meal should contain the basic five nutrients (i.e. Vegetables, milk products, carbs, protiens and peas) started out well and started to build my energy and now I can hit the gym again after not being able to leave the bed.

Zeena is a new person eating greens and organic food; no more dining out unless it’s a gathering

No more fried food which is a very common dish in Kuwait, fried food is almost on every meal, and workout for am hour a day.

Am a happy free birdeven though am walking on a cloud.

Love you all
P. S. I read all of ur comments thank you for the kindest words on earth, I’ll reply to each one of them soon.

Love love
Zeena McSea :*