Emotions forever

As for now … am on a diet , uh as if i never stopped dieting !

This is what i always say and people tell me once i say no to anything they give me to eat. For the part 8 years when ever I reject a desert or a juice they will say ” oh zeena try it, don’t diet , diet isn’t healthy”

today I realized I wasn’t dieting at all, i was changing habits that seemed to stick with me for 8 years just like quitting smoking. smokers usually go back for a sip of a smoke and then leave it away till they reach a day where the cigarette doesn’t mean anything in their life. This is exactly what i did to my life, i started to stay away from sweets and away from unnecessary food between meals yet once am in a different mood or under certain stress those bad habits come back.

Going back to those 8 years, it seems I had my mood control my life more that I had a grip on my own mood. I was weak in front of my own emotions and feelings. A habit that indeed needs to be changed and was definitely neglected. Today I had a bar of chocolate, a scope of ice cream and a half a glass of smoothie at a local restaurant and oh 2 bites of chocolate from a chocolate place. That made me think, I never had these things before in one day, in the past 8 years ice cream was once in a blue moon, chocolate was once or twice a month when the hormones kick and juice ! oh! I can’t even remember when I had fresh juice, I prefer water !and guess what, I had nothing to talk about or anything to laugh on and I realized when ever I say anything no one is interested to listen… STOP !

Yes I had to stop, I am pulled to a different world I don’t understand, a world of a lot of food and lack of self-control ran by weakness of emotions. I looked at my thin friends, if anything bothered them they just ignore it or turn it into a joke that made them laugh, to them what ever bothers them if off the window when it makes me think over and over and over till am tried and indulge my self in a big scoop of ice cream as if its gonna give me the answer, like smokers when they think a smoke can clear their mind, while in real life is taking your mind off the subject for a while to be able to find the answer within my self.

Zeena is fighting weakness 🙂