Counting the right numbers

Sometimes when world is dark and the sounds are on mute i start to feel a forgotten dot in the giant world. I don’t know if anyone experienced such a feeling, i start wondering what have happened today? What achievements have i done? How happy am i compared to other days but everyday it get worse and worse tried many ways to get out of this mood at night but when i prevent dealing with it i feel it in the morning or anytime am alone.

“your afraid of being lonely” an ex friend suggested but thats not true i realized i did grow up alone even though i grew up as a social bug.

“lack of confidence” suggested an ex fiancé but he made me lose my confidence am never concerned.

Today i decided to thank god for all the good i have even though all that i want is not here not close to me. What was it?? Why was i feeling left alone ? Why no one would pick up the phone and ask about me? I realized i never did the same for any of my friends. Am only there when they allow me, i only speak when they start a subject and i only laugh loud when they do.

How many of us counted the times their friends started the good then they did the same to them? I bet many of us and its starting to be part of the new culture.

Tonight i will dream of happy times and shall give happy times to everyone around me without a return.

Good night Zeena friends i shall be a happier creature in the morning.


قرار وحدتي

تعمدت ان اقلب صفحاتي
و ان اسكن وحدتي
اعيش كل دقيقة منا بهدوء سكينتي
و صدق انفاسي
قررت ان اكون بعيده عن كل كلام معتاد
منافق و مجاهد
تعمدت ان اسكن وحدتي
احس بلذه هدوئها و عسره مزاجاتها
ها انا ذا في كامل الهدوء
لايرن في اذني غير اصوات الاوبرا الدافئه و اقلامي المتناثره
اكشفت في وحدتي
و ابداعاتي.