Counting the right numbers

Sometimes when world is dark and the sounds are on mute i start to feel a forgotten dot in the giant world. I don’t know if anyone experienced such a feeling, i start wondering what have happened today? What achievements have i done? How happy am i compared to other days but everyday it get worse and worse tried many ways to get out of this mood at night but when i prevent dealing with it i feel it in the morning or anytime am alone.

“your afraid of being lonely” an ex friend suggested but thats not true i realized i did grow up alone even though i grew up as a social bug.

“lack of confidence” suggested an ex fiancé but he made me lose my confidence am never concerned.

Today i decided to thank god for all the good i have even though all that i want is not here not close to me. What was it?? Why was i feeling left alone ? Why no one would pick up the phone and ask about me? I realized i never did the same for any of my friends. Am only there when they allow me, i only speak when they start a subject and i only laugh loud when they do.

How many of us counted the times their friends started the good then they did the same to them? I bet many of us and its starting to be part of the new culture.

Tonight i will dream of happy times and shall give happy times to everyone around me without a return.

Good night Zeena friends i shall be a happier creature in the morning.

Xoxo

Ramadan emotiona

This Ramadan i decided to ditch all social activities and stay at home with the typical excuse of i am short on my prayers i want to do more to god. Worship more.

Thats just what i wish.

On the first week of Ramadan i had the Holly Quran in my hand all day trying to read just a page … But i fall asleep reading. I thought to my self that could be the thirst and lack of sleep. Second week of Ramadan the sleeping habits didn’t change and yet my kidneys were killing me. 3rd week of Ramadan i faced reality i couldn’t bend while praying i figured out i am in serious back and knee pain that i couldnt pray and in serious hip pain that i couldnt sit and read the quraan.

Yes, i know what you are thinking of my dear Kuwaiti friend, i should go for the famous gastric sleeve or what ever they call it. Every one in kuwait is advising me to go get the surgery done to cut off the hunger glands and have my tummy in the size of a peanut. I rest my case and thought why not let me give it a shot.

“get out of my office this is for serious obese cases” this is what i wished the doctor would say but in reality he called me a cow and called me a sick person and that i need to do the surgery today. The next thing i know am in my car with loud music driving so fast to the gym. “am not a cow am a beautiful creature whose got a little fat sagging off my waist, am not sick am emotionally weak, bastard!!!” telling my self all the time running until all i can see people on top of me splashing water over my face “are you ok?” “wake up” yes i fainted.

Here i stopped going to the gym and i decided to do a full checkup on the nutritional values in my body with a proper doctor rather than a butcher.

The results came out that this giant cow as he said has malnutrition !!! Me!!! They must be kidding am fat yet i have no zinc, no vitamins nor iron and my stomach is in the size of a medium apple while am fasting. Shocking!!!! And am shocked.

For someone whose 167 cm high and 105 kilos heavy of a BMI of 35 am actually suffering from malnutrition with a tinny stomach …

Then what is wrong with my digestion !?

Back In Kuwait

And here i am back to the country of Happy people with no positive words to hear, Rich people with cheap mentalities, Good family names with bad attitudes.

That’s how my first week in Kuwait is. My friends have changed no one cared to even call, my family have changed they don’t say anything happy, and whenever i am out of the house i would see old friends run to them to say hi until i see them giving me their back and leaving.

Today i stopped greeting anyone on the streets because i am sure they are seeing me , i make sure they see me.  My brothers don’t respect me anymore specially in front of my husband, when ever i say something they would make fun of my believes and my opinion even if its right, we were teasing each other alot in the past but never hurt anyone of us, today the teasing is having a different meaning in this country.

From teasing to manner, people lack manners in this country, no one is respecting the law, no one is respecting older people, no one is respecting the fact that this handsome man is walking with his wife or this women is with another MAN! and the worst part is when someone helps you and you thank him/her aaah !!! since when thank you because a flirt!!!

What happened to you people ? Why have you all changed ? Why are you all rude and disrespectful? Aren’t you all calling for the name of islam and its manners !! show us something from that holy book if you are truly Moslem’s not ass kissers!

I’m all paranoid now, i’m scared to be alone or let my husband go to his friends alone ! gosh what happen to those people!