I am the old me , I am the new me!

Current weight: 105 Kg — :/

Target weight: 104.300 Kg

Target to date: Sept. 25th , 2010

Yes indeed i have a weekly target .. Let me tell you the story..

On the jet plane out of Kuwait i decided to put all my sadness behind my back like i did million and one times ago and i said “My failure will just make me win smarter” I am Zeena Mc Sea and i made things happen in the past for others now it is my time to make things happen for me, only me, only Zeena. I will do what Zeena wants not what she thinks other might want her to do, i will eat only what i want to eat not what they serve in front of me, i will eat chocolates when i want to grab one not when i see it, i will work out when i want to work out not when they tell me how fat i got, i will do it this time and i will do it smart.  That was on my mind during the 5 hours flight and here i am.

After many searches and after googling many subjects “i want to forget him, how?” or “why did he leave me” or “do i still love him?” to searching “Best way to mend a broken heart” And AHA!!! here it was! ehow website advising how to get out of a broken relationship and how to start all over again. First rule is to put small targets, approachable and achieve them. With every target you will have your motivation and self esteem higher and higher. 2nd rule is to focus on other things such as a hobby when ever the man i loved comes to my mind…3rd and 4th rule i’ll leave them for later.

I stopped at the 2nd rule and decided to start from today on this airplane to stop thinking of Khalid, my sexy broad shoulder Khalid, the 180 athletic abs Khalid, the one who smelled like fresh lemons mixed with arabian bokhour, those brown curls and long lashes and of course his deep voice. Khalid i still love him but he is no longer going to be part of my life. at landing i bought a new story to read whenever Mr. hottie comes to my mind and my answers were all in front of me, here is to new beginning and here is to Zeena Mc Sea.

This is exactly how Becky Bloomingwood put it, she’s a shopaholic who keeps on trying and trying one time after the other to control her spending and i am foodaholic and lazyaholic and i will make it work this time. I hired a trainer to make me work out at least 3 times a week, i always found a way to ditch her, just like Becky but when Becky had a broken heart she wiped off her tears and did something only for her just Becky and here i start my journey.

Arriving at the beautiful country was the start to Zeena the new diva 🙂 yes i am a new diva and i will fall in love soon with another hot Khalid or you know what i will fall in love with a hotter guy that has nothing to do with silly Khalid. He will protect me and never make me feel insecure. Today i start my small goal for this trip.

Two weeks without any meat or chicken, just fish and vegetables with at least 6 glasses of water that i forget to drink during working hours. I will eat at least half the portions i used to before, the plan is set for 2 weeks and am ready to rumble. Without any notice i get jet lag and sick and by natures force i can only eat bread and drink soda and tea to help my tummy. Two weeks are done, the beautiful trip is over and my goal is achieved.. am so proud of me (aren’t you?)

Back to Kuwait, here i am with a new goal but weight i lost 4 kilo, i left the country weighting 109 Kg and now am 105 Kg i deserve a gift and so i bought my self some new clothes to look nice. Now i am on another goal to lose at least 0.7Kg per week and so far so good i  love 0.5 Kg and just 300 grams are left till Friday. Am proud and excited to reach my goal because life is all about goals isn’t it.. am an achiever 🙂 a, Zeena who can make it happen…

Yes my dear readers, i love my self like never before. Now no one can tell me things that put me to tears, i have the reply right away..and am shocked just like you, what made me have all this strength to speak up and stand for my self with high esteem and confidence.. of course ! how can i not know !!! ?

Because i am Zeena Mc Sea and i make things happen.

Emotions forever

As for now … am on a diet , uh as if i never stopped dieting !

This is what i always say and people tell me once i say no to anything they give me to eat. For the part 8 years when ever I reject a desert or a juice they will say ” oh zeena try it, don’t diet , diet isn’t healthy”

today I realized I wasn’t dieting at all, i was changing habits that seemed to stick with me for 8 years just like quitting smoking. smokers usually go back for a sip of a smoke and then leave it away till they reach a day where the cigarette doesn’t mean anything in their life. This is exactly what i did to my life, i started to stay away from sweets and away from unnecessary food between meals yet once am in a different mood or under certain stress those bad habits come back.

Going back to those 8 years, it seems I had my mood control my life more that I had a grip on my own mood. I was weak in front of my own emotions and feelings. A habit that indeed needs to be changed and was definitely neglected. Today I had a bar of chocolate, a scope of ice cream and a half a glass of smoothie at a local restaurant and oh 2 bites of chocolate from a chocolate place. That made me think, I never had these things before in one day, in the past 8 years ice cream was once in a blue moon, chocolate was once or twice a month when the hormones kick and juice ! oh! I can’t even remember when I had fresh juice, I prefer water !and guess what, I had nothing to talk about or anything to laugh on and I realized when ever I say anything no one is interested to listen… STOP !

Yes I had to stop, I am pulled to a different world I don’t understand, a world of a lot of food and lack of self-control ran by weakness of emotions. I looked at my thin friends, if anything bothered them they just ignore it or turn it into a joke that made them laugh, to them what ever bothers them if off the window when it makes me think over and over and over till am tried and indulge my self in a big scoop of ice cream as if its gonna give me the answer, like smokers when they think a smoke can clear their mind, while in real life is taking your mind off the subject for a while to be able to find the answer within my self.

Zeena is fighting weakness 🙂

Zeena is back

Yes I am back but this time with a total differant person today I am a working women and single. It took me more than a year to get over Khalid and until today I don’t know what happened or what changed but I know for sure I miss him and there is nothing on earth will bring me back to him. Today I am a happy single working women with a career that doesn’t seem very enlightining either but i love what I do. And love whom I have become.

You might wonder did you lose weight?
With a big smile on my face that’s why I am here again Zeenas still struggling with her weight.

After my trauma with Khalid I let my self go, to a level that I forgot what color was on my head or what time usually breakfasts are. I slept more, lived in isolation and gained good number of kilos.

Today I weight 107kg with body fat of 40% which means I can die any second now. The challenge to lose app that weight and keep stress free to succeed at my job.

My current diet plan is what I like to call “back to basic” which means every single meal should contain the basic five nutrients (i.e. Vegetables, milk products, carbs, protiens and peas) started out well and started to build my energy and now I can hit the gym again after not being able to leave the bed.

Zeena is a new person eating greens and organic food; no more dining out unless it’s a gathering

No more fried food which is a very common dish in Kuwait, fried food is almost on every meal, and workout for am hour a day.

Am a happy free birdeven though am walking on a cloud.

Love you all
P. S. I read all of ur comments thank you for the kindest words on earth, I’ll reply to each one of them soon.

Love love
Zeena McSea :*

Happy Eid to you

Dearest readers, 

Happy Eid to all of the Muslim readers, Happy eid to my family and friends.. and happy eid to my love Khalid, there is no eid without you.. my eid started with a tear on my right cheek .

Dearest khalid, 

I hope you find this blog.. to at least know how i feel.. I can’t forget the nice times we had, the last month of fights is not us.. i miss you i love you and you will always be in my heart. I still don’t know the reason for you to be away, i don’t know why you don’t even want to talk to me.. maybe i had my mistakes and you had yours so lets forget about them and learn and move on together.. Khalid we have something no other couple has, we are adam and eve we can build a great future together. 

I’m waiting for you Khalid , i’m waiting for our reunion .. so please say happy eid.

Love, 

Zeena

Back to the Ground

For the past hmmm couple of months or more maybe , i’ve been away from the whole world, me and my husband (Khalid) were celebrating the new dress size i’m having these days, i can finally shop from every British shop, not yet from the fancy brand names but at least not plus sizes anymore. We’ve been shopping alot, hanging out alot and enjoying the company of our old friends here in Kuwait. I can say shopping is the best part of it all.. the rest gave me a bit of depression.

Khalid and I are very touchy people, we love to hold hands from time to time and admire each other when ever we feel like it and this got us in trouble in Kuwait, hanging out with our married friends isn’t helping at all, if i hold his hands they would say ” ga6a roo7ha 3aleeh” and when he is holding mine “3ala shino mayet 3aleeha, 3ayara” they don’t leave us alone. Khalid and I started to get hurt from what they are saying and we started to go out on our own again and he started to change. My husband used to be very romantic and makes me feel like his priority’s in life, today after months in Kuwait he has other priorities than his wife, he have to call his friends instead of talking to his partner, he has to cancel our dates because he can’t tell his friends he’s going out with his wife or they would make fun of him, and when he is with them he can’t talk to me because they wont stop teasing him.

Today his list of tasks everyday starts with his job, his friends, his family, his free time relaxing from his social life, then home to eat and sleep and maybe his wife. We are not talking to each other anymore, i wake up earlier than him, i sleep after him, we sleep next to each other, and each of us has his own life away from the other, its just the house that is bringing us back together despite the fact that no communication ever happens behind the doors nor romance. Our weekends are in our family’s house and usually men are separated from women as so i am with Khalid, on our friends wedding, we were separated too, in our gyms too. Nothing is bringing us back together.

After a long thinking i decided to step on my pride and do something to bring us back together so i sugested we go out on a date, just me and him in a private place … due to finance issues our private place was his car, we met there and cruised around the whole country. During that time i thought finally we can hold hands and be together in one car without having to go to two different places after words.  We started to talk and talk and talk and laugh for less than 15 minutes until his friends started to call every single minute, then his work, then again his friends and over and over and over … whats more annoying that those friends are usually his female friends, once they know he is out with me they make all kinds of jokes about us.

We couldn’t enjoy our time, or i couldn’t enjoy my time, he was on the phone and i was on his chest… until i got tired from sitting and we went home and fell asleep without saying anything to each other again. He was tried from talking on the phone, and i was tired from roaming around the country for 3 hours listing to his friends chat about their boyfriends, jobs etc.

Now I gathered my self and decided to let my emotion aside and start focusing on my own life, get my masters, find me a decent job, enjoy my weightloss process , meet my friends and make newer ones, enjoy my hobbies and let our relationship take its own path in either having us back together or grow apart.  Life is too short to be wasted like that.

Because of that I’m back to write my stories, back to the kuwaiti life style and i shall never be away again.. nothing is worth it.

Back to Weight loss

Current weight: 82 Kg

Target weight: 80 Kg – slow targets at a time..

Real Target: 60 Kg

Starting Weight: 103 Kg

Starting date with this new diet : Jan 29th, 2008

Nutritionist and Dietitian : my Jobless obese friend )

Lifestyle: 30 minutes full body workout, 30 minutes 90 days plan, 30 minutes stretching

I don’t believe my eyes … it has been 5 months now and i’ve lost more than 20 kilos on judy’s very easy weight loss plan !!! i can’t believe my eyes, i can’t believe my size .. i am size 16 now i used to be size 20 , even though judy her self she is still wearing size 18 , but hey it is working for me better than it is for her hehehehehe 🙂 i love you judy .. and i love my tight , fit body.

People shut up i am a size 16 now hehehehe i don’t look obese anymore .. and they call me CHUBBY !

The last time i posted something my target weight was 90.. look at me now .. my target weight is 80 !! , ten kilograms less 🙂

Judy Abbott, Thank you for helping me and changing my life. I can’t wait until i’m size 10, weighting 60 kilo grams without flabby skin which you managed to take off.

Dear readers,

I am a successful biggest loser heheheehehehe.. wait for my pictures soon 🙂

lets all cheer Judy , if it wasn’t for her, i would’ve been still running from one nutritionist to the other finding a suitable way to lose weight.

Love you all.

Zeena.

Back In Kuwait

And here i am back to the country of Happy people with no positive words to hear, Rich people with cheap mentalities, Good family names with bad attitudes.

That’s how my first week in Kuwait is. My friends have changed no one cared to even call, my family have changed they don’t say anything happy, and whenever i am out of the house i would see old friends run to them to say hi until i see them giving me their back and leaving.

Today i stopped greeting anyone on the streets because i am sure they are seeing me , i make sure they see me.  My brothers don’t respect me anymore specially in front of my husband, when ever i say something they would make fun of my believes and my opinion even if its right, we were teasing each other alot in the past but never hurt anyone of us, today the teasing is having a different meaning in this country.

From teasing to manner, people lack manners in this country, no one is respecting the law, no one is respecting older people, no one is respecting the fact that this handsome man is walking with his wife or this women is with another MAN! and the worst part is when someone helps you and you thank him/her aaah !!! since when thank you because a flirt!!!

What happened to you people ? Why have you all changed ? Why are you all rude and disrespectful? Aren’t you all calling for the name of islam and its manners !! show us something from that holy book if you are truly Moslem’s not ass kissers!

I’m all paranoid now, i’m scared to be alone or let my husband go to his friends alone ! gosh what happen to those people!

Week 8: Emotional Eater

Current weight: 92 Kg

Target weight: 90 Kg – slow targets at a time..

Real Target: 60 Kg

Starting Weight: 103 Kg

Starting date with this new diet : Jan 29th, 2008

Nutritionist and Dietitian : my Jobless obese friend )

Lifestyle: 1 hour Cardio, Packing , 20 min stretching, 35 min yoga

For the Past three weeks i haven’t been keen with my workout and i had couple of regional changes in my life, we will be moving to Kuwait soon and instead of doing my one hour of cardio I’ve been packing our stuff and beautiful memories here, emotionally I’m not ready to go home but we have to.

I have mixed feelings about this move i want to go to Kuwait and meet my friends whom been sending me tons of e-mails saying how badly they miss me, but i know once i step my foot there none of them will even call, i know none of them will even show up unless i call them all and this time I’ll do what Judy did, i wont call anyone. I don’t know what happened to Kuwaitis and hospitality truly people change. From the family side, i know they will just come visit once I’m there and that would be it, i wont hear from them again… !

Its obvious i am in a bad emotional phase, i don’t want to leave my happy peaceful life here away from all the political crap and the shallow conversations about how people are even if i don’t want to know about them. And this is making me crave more chocolates and sweets , I’ve been crazy with petite pour and crazy with cookies !

At first Judy -my weight loss friend/planner- let me eat as much as i feel like to let me get suffocate with the sugary taste, it worked for a week then after that week i craved them again, so she gave me all kinds of herbal teas with cinnamon and honey to drink when ever i craved a piece of sugar – and that’s not you hubby 🙂 – it worked for three days then i ate sweets with the tea LOL! then my smart friend gave me a great way to lessen my sweetness intake .

For every bite of sugar/chocolate/cookie i should have a small fruit, for every spoon of dessert i have to have a small fruit, at first i ended up having 5 kiwis and 10 strawberries, Today i had a Banana, a Kiwi and no chocolate at all, she turned my addiction toward chocolatey dessert into the need of fruits which is healthier and balances the flavours on my tongue.

Thank you again Judy, life hasn’t been greater. And you are the only reason worth going to Kuwait.

Bio-Oil

Like every normal person  i do have white stretch marks, I saw the last commercial on bio oil that would make your stretch marks disappear, i was very happy i tried it all over my body.The oil smelled really good and was absorbed so quickly and left very soft skin behind .

After one weeks of use, the old one 1.7 cm line of white stretch mark on my right shoulder became 4 cm long and 0.5 cm wide. The two 5 cm lines next to my belly botton became more than 7 lines of each side branched like a twig and double their length.

Regardless of  the great depression I’m feeling specially that there is nothing to treat white stretch marks, why on earth would a stretch marks treatments would make them worse?

I used it after reading about it on their website and this review 

Week 5

Current weight: 94 Kg

Target weight: 90 Kg – slow targets at a time..

Real Target: 60 Kg

Starting Weight: 103 Kg

Starting date with this new diet :  Jan 29th, 2008

Nutritionist and Dietitian : my Jobless obese friend 🙂

Lifestyle: 1 hour Cardio, 20 min stretching, 35 min yoga

——-

I’ve been 5 weeks on Judy’s -my friend who is helping me lose weight-  weight loss plan, as it seems it is working very well with me,  i have lost one kilo in one week,  i like it , I’ve been eating every thing i love from chocolates to French fries, ice cream to haystack salad and still losing weight without being hungry, or having cravings to my favorite foods or even have the feeling of ” why everyone is able to eat anything they want and everything is a no to me”  .

Today her laid back system has been changed, before when ever i crave a chocolate, i would eat a bite of it, drink water, wait for a while or go work out then i would take another bite .. at first  i used to eat the whole bar, but after couple of times a bite would do it for me and i don’t feel like buying chocolates when ever i see them , even if eat it i don’t feel attached at all, i even started to eat fruits instead.

Judy didn’t let this pass.. now since i started to have these cravings switch from fatty foods and rich in sugar to more less tasteful food.. she changed my eating plan..

Early in the morning:

When i wake up for morning prayers, i would drink 2-4 glasses of warm water almost 1 liter

Breakfast:

I start my breakfast with any kind of fruit with a cup of milk .. then a cup of water

After i get dressed and ready to leave, i would eat anything i feel like “eggs, waffles, a sandwich” with the suggested portion for every type of food.. i should talk about that later.
Snack: if hungry i would have water  – ofcourse- if i had craving for something sweet then i would have from 3-5 dates OR if my cravings were something salty i would have carrots, celery or cucumbers

Lunch: a piece of protein, 3/4 a cup some carbs, 1 1/2 cup greens  and any kind of juice with less than 3 grams of sugar and less than 80 cal.

Snack: yogurt, a fruit or three bites of any cravings

Dinner: a piece of protein (fish or turkey) , 1/2 a cup carbs, 2 cups of greens

Dinner should always be before 7 pm .

But on Fridays, breakfast will be a pomegranate.

My desserts should be dates or fruits (2 pieces per day)

I’M HAPPY !